Fake You Out
by Half Demon Alchemist
Summary: Lavi wants to get on a train and just leave the Order behind. They say he's not alone, but he's petrified. Lavi may be a bookman, but he can fall, he can break and he can fake. He's afraid of what Allen will say, should he tell him about his thoughts on leaving. So, he keeps silent. Silence gives space.


**Well, this is once again dedicated to XxNowISitInSilencexX because she just loves these songs and I wanna write something so here I am. Inspired by the song Fake You Out. I seriously hate this fic, but I'm posting anyway, just for you, Asha.  
**

**No seriously I hate this thing so feel free to gimme some flames.**

**Dedicated to: XxNowIJustSitInSilencexX I love you**

**Disclaimer: I do not own DGM**

_**Fake You Out**_

Sometimes, Lavi was really sick of being a bookman. Sometimes, Lavi just wanted to take the fastest train away from here, away from his bookman duties. He'd never be what Bookman wanted him to be. He'd never be the perfect bookman with no heart, because he felt things. Sure, he wasn't supposed to, but he did.

After all, he loved Allen, so that was proof enough that he wasn't a proper bookman, wasn't it?

Lavi was petrified. What if he did get on that train at night, the one that was calling his name, the one that could take him away from all of this, what would happen? Would he just stop being a bookman? Would he get away from all of this chaos and war and death and disaster? Could he look at history with a biased eye?

The old panda and him were pretty close, in a way._ 'Pfft, we're about as close as the closet star. But about twice as far.' _Lavi thought to himself as he walked to his boyfriend, Allen's room for his traditional nightly visit. Usually they'd talk about their day, or really just anything. Sometimes nothing at all, instead just leaning against each other and staring out the window at the stars that shined brightly from outside.

The redhead may be a bookman, but he could fall down, he could break down. And he could definitely fake them out. Lavi wondered what Allen would say if he told him about his thoughts of jumping on the fastest train to nowhere and getting out of here. Would Allen want to come with him? Or would he just say that was a childish thing to do? Would Allen support him, or discourage him?

In a way, Lavi wanted to create space between them so that way if he did decide to hop on that train to nowhere, Allen wouldn't be hurt. So Allen wouldn't miss him. Was it selfish? Completely. But when he was in the Order, he felt as if he was in a prisoner's cell, and he had no control. He wanted to know that he was in control of his own life, but he wasn't. He was just a bookman. But people would do anything just to feel free, just to be in control of their own lives, so why couldn't he?

He couldn't because he was just a bookman.

Knocking on the door quietly, he waited until Allen opened the door with a smile on his face. Walking in, silently, the two collapsed on the bed not saying anything. Just soaking up each others comforting presence.

"Allen?" Lavi started, turning over to face the white-haired teen.

"Lavi? What is it?" A concerned Allen asked, his eyes shining with worry.

"Nah, its nothing." The older teen said with a grin. He was afraid of all the things Allen could say. So he wouldn't ask any of the many questions he could. He wouldn't say how badly he wanted to get away, he wouldn't say that he wasn't the bookman he was supposed to be. He wouldn't say anything.

Allen sighed, wondering what was wrong with his boyfriend. Lavi had been like this for quite some time now. Beginning to ask a question before shaking it off and saying it wasn't important. Which of course, meant it was important. If it truly wasn't significant, he would ask anyway. The silence created a space between them.

But Lavi had been being uncharacteristically quiet for a while now. It was almost as if he was trying to create a space between them on purpose.

"Really, it's nothing." Lavi said after seeing the skeptical look on his lover's face. "Allen, seriously, I'd tell you if it was important."

"Lavi, you know I love you, right?"

The redhead rolled his visible green eye. "Of course, you never let me forget it."

"Then why won't you tell me what's bothering you?"

He couldn't say. He couldn't tell the one that made him feel things, the one who made him think he had a heart that he wanted to leave everything behind. He couldn't say that some train was calling his name and he wanted to get on and tell the conductor to go anywhere as long as it was away from here. He couldn't say that he and Bookman were no longer close like they used to be, but instead further apart than stars. Even though he wanted to say it, he wanted to confess and spill everything and just rattle off all the problems and questions that were consuming his thoughts... He couldn't.

He couldn't because silence gives space.

So instead, he just laid there, silent. He heard Allen sigh, and knew that the younger teen was disappointed. Lavi wanted to be with Allen, don't get him wrong, he loves Allen and he always wanted to be with him, around him. But it was also one of the reasons he couldn't leave, Allen was here, his life was here. Maybe, he should tell the train to go on ahead without him. Maybe he should stop being afraid of what Allen would say if he told him everything.

"Allen... What would you do if I left here? What if I took a train away from here and never came back?" Lavi asked, gathering up all his courage.

There was a moment of silence, before Allen replied. "Well, I'd go with you of course. You're not alone, Lavi."

As soon as Allen said that, it was like all the burdens were lifted from Lavi's shoulders. Allen supported him. And now that he knew that, he didn't have to get on the train. He took control of his life by telling Allen. He wasn't completely free, not yet, but it was his life. It was a life that he would share with Allen.

Yeah, he may fall and break and fake, but Allen was still there with him. So it was okay.

Leaning back into the pillow, his eye slid shut, and a yawn escaped his lips. He wasn't the perfect bookman, but hell, being perfect was boring. He didn't need a train to get away from the chaos and stress and disaster that was his life at the Order.

All he needed was Allen.

_End_

**Yo I hated this thing, so gimme your flames or whatever, I know it's terrible but XxNowIJustSitInSilencexX made me post it against my will so it's her fault I wrote this terrible thing, not mine. **


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